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Monday, 31 January 2011

Mental and Emotional

This is by far and away the hardest part of the journey.  Why?
  1. I know that I have secondary cancer and have a limited lifespan
  2. I am very weak
  3. My appetite is reduced because of the cancer
  4. If I try and eat extra I am sick
  5. I do not have enough energy to do simple things like playing with the kids or, indeed, anything projective
It becomes very hard to be positive under these circumstances no matter how bullish your nature.

Despite the best thoughts of everybody it is difficult to understand the gravity of my situation now and, until you look at the above list, the lack of positive direction.  Although I am comfortable at the moment it is the lack of energy which is the greatest restrictor.  I had hoped that when I had recovered from the misplaced stent business that I would regain my strength but that has not happened and reflects the development of the cancer.

What I have now is an unpleasant status quo.  I am functioning on a day to day basis whilst my ability to function is diminishing.
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13 comments:

  1. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 19:48

    Our thoughts and prayers remain with you Rumps. I say a little prayer for you every night. Besides, been studying the Higgs Bosen. We are all everywhere. And Torres is everywhere...Can't believe he is in West London though. Am a scouser so that is not good. Prayers for you man and your family x Jaytour (Jay)

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  2. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 19:55

    No matter how tough the going gets Rumps you and the family are in our thoughts every single day.

    Shed

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  3. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 20:16

    Cancer is such a terrible disease :-( It really saddens me to read your posts.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    meisterx

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  4. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 20:45

    We all saddened by your setbacks and full of admiration for your tremendous inner strength.
    Don't let your guard down, don't beat yourself up, try to be calm and gently keep jabbing away
    We are all rooting for you
    Best wishes

    DS

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  5. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 20:47

    Thoughts have never gone away Rumps. And you're right, I can't begin to understand what you are going through, right now, today.

    You have displayed unbelieveable courage and this site has opened my eyes to your world and the hellish experience you are going through.

    JNT

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  6. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 20:55

    try and stay strong rumps, give your family hug from me and the others on barc board, every day l spend a little time thinking about you and yours.
    god bless
    smurf1955

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  7. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 21:14

    Hi Rumps
    It must be so frustrating to feel that you can't overcome the weakness of your body with your sheer strength of will and I salute you for your tenacity. For those of us that thought we knew you via the barc bb what we have discovered is that we didn't know the half of the man you really are.
    We know what you are up against but always have hope so don't you give up.
    A hug from
    Changeling x

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  8. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 21:22

    My dear dear friend , I can' believe how brave you are because I know you so well. Even I'n your present situation your compassion for others comes shining through . You are a truly wonderful friend and I love you with all my heart and think of you throughout my day but I think of the good times we have had and laugh when I think of what you have done or said . Nobody can know what your feeling right now but never stop fighting brother because you never know miracles do happen and you may do a Michael Thomas xxxxxxxxxxx .

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  9. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 21:27

    Keep your focus Rumps and know that all our thoughts are with you.

    I can only hope tomorrow brings you a bit more energy.

    You're an inspiration everyone and your family can be so proud of you.

    Kindest.

    Captain P

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  10. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 22:48

    Rumps, my prayers for you, Kitten, the children and all the family, that you may know and feel that God given peace, which passes all understanding.
    God bless you all.
    MA

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  11. Anonymous31 January 2011 at 23:28

    Rumps, it saddens me to hear that you are feeling weaker, but your strength is an inspiration for the rest of us.

    BlueTrin

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  12. Anonymous1 February 2011 at 00:07

    Rumps,

    The positive impact you have had on many cannot be put into words.

    This will hopefully be your legacy especially on me

    stm

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  13. Anonymous1 February 2011 at 10:02

    I can only agree with all the comments above - and it is great to see meisterx on here as well! (do you have an ignore button here? hehe)

    You have united many (who knows how many only read your blog without commenting) and inspired us all. This kind of contribution is worth its weight in gold and you should be very proud of that!

    Keep the positive thoughts coming - and above all stay comfortable!

    Jegersmart

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