There were many things to take out of the meetings today but there was a solitary overriding topic and that was one of how the cancer is advancing.
I had not discussed technical data recently and the tumour marker, whilst a blunt instrument in itself displays a trend. That trend is not good and suggests that the cancer is advancing at a ferocious pace.
Just before I was due for operation the particular marker that I am referring to had been reduced from a starting point of 70,000 to 12,000. Most recently it stood at a 1,000,0000 but they expect today's blood tests to register close to 1,500,000 when received tomorrow.
What does that mean? Well it means that my age and innate body strength is masking the severity of the cancer so much so that it is not obviously apparent that I may only have weeks to live.
Since diagnosis as metastatic at the end of November with the cancer progressing into the liver we have gone from looking at "long months" to "long months being ambitious" to "weeks". It is harsh but that is the medical position.
It is somewhat ironic that today is my best day for a while in terms of stability. I am very very weak though.
It is time for Kitten and I to get the best out of every moment that we can.
its difficult to know what to say at a time like this. although i have read your blog for quite a long time now, i have never posted before. i'm not particularly good at putting into words what i actually mean, so i tend not to bother. you always write so eloquently however you are feeling.
ReplyDeletehowever, i feel i should wish you well, and hope that you can be as pain free as possible to allow you to enjoy every monent as you can, as you say.
the race is long, but in the end it is only with yourself. the sunscreen song.
thanks man, Obmil.
Rumps/swordfish, You have such inner strength, I admire you immensely. I don't know you, I have never met you, but I do now feel as if I know you, and I wish there was something I could do to help. Make the most of every day buddy, your barc BB friends are praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeletePS. The last comment starting with "inner strength" is from your friend Paul the Banker
ReplyDeleteSo so sorry to hear the bad news.
ReplyDeleteMartin D.
Hey Rumps,
ReplyDeleteA postive slant as always - facing the facts with a grace that can only be part of ones character.
As the old saying goes; It ain't over till the fat (lady) gentleman sings and I have never sung, nor do I intend to start ;-)
Heres to peace of mind and some quality time together for you and yours.
Mick
Hi Rumps
ReplyDeleteBeen sitting here staring at the computer screen wondering what to write but there are no platitudes I can come up with.
We have never met, you and I but through your writing I feel I know a bit of the man that you are. I am so sorry that for this man who is obviously a good man and who loves his family that the news is not better.
Do whatever you need to do to get comfortable so that you can enjoy this bittersweet time with Kitten and your family.
I will never give up hoping for a miracle for you.
As always, best wishes
Changeling x
Rumps, you are an amazing man.
ReplyDeleteEach time I read your blog I feel such humility.
I will continue to pray for strength and peace of mind for you and Kitten.
Remembering also your children, parents and all those close to you.
I am certain you have been such a help to so many others.
God Bless.
MA
I have been sitting at this screen for a while now, and just dont know what to say. There are no words..
ReplyDeleteI am praying for a miracle for you and your family.
My thoughts are with you.
Love Sue x
Words at this time are inadequateand my heart aches for you and your family. Sending you all love and positive thoughts.
ReplyDeletexxxxx
Rumps / Swordfish & Kitten, well we are keeping everything crossed for a nice surprise when the actual blood tests come back....let the good days like today continue.....love always Lou & Stu xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your family Rumps.
ReplyDeleteYour strength throughout this ordeal has been an inspiration. I only know you to talk to through a bulletin board but have come to admire you greatly as a person. I can only hope, however slim the chance, that your determination to beat this will carry you through.
Best wishes as always.
Captain P
Anonymous
ReplyDeleteDon't know what to say but our thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteOur th thoughts are also with Kitten as I know she is your rock.
Take care
You are in my thoughts every day. I admire your strength in dealing with all that life is throwing your way, you truly are an inspiration. I know we have never met, but I feel I know you through the blog and through your wonderful wife - who I am back in touch with thanks to you. Enjoy all the time you have with those closest. I am praying for your strength to pull you through this.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Chris x
Morning Sword
ReplyDeleteIts so hard to put into words (especially through a computer) thoughts and feelings at this difficult time. You all are in our thoughts and prayers.
Best wishes
D
There's nothing more to add to the above other than thank you for your honesty. We all keep hoping for miracles and there's no reason to stop. You are amazing perhaps the weight of love from the ether can make an amazing miracle happen.
ReplyDeleteDiana
Rumps
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, sending lots of love to you and your family xxx
Julie