Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

As the french proverb goes; "The more that things change the more that they stay the same".

These next few days promised to be very difficult for me and  I had begun to "steel myself".

Yesterday's appointment with the Canadian osteopath put me on a better footing in respect of my energy levels, but the prospect of radiotherapy each day, chemotherapy tomorrow and blood transfusion Thursday were a daunting prospect.

I feel as if the treatment has given me a good old-fashioned battering recently (quite appropriate for a fish, I suppose) and not just on a physical level.  Just entering the main foyer of the Marsden triggers nausea from the distinctive disinfected smell.  Every time I go in I immediately visualise a intravenous bag of chemo.  Then there is is the progressive eating dysfunction.

It is times like these where it is obvious that you have come to a crossroads and you have to raise your game mentally and stay strong.  By that I don't mean just attempting to "barrel through" but to remind yourself that no matter how difficult the situation becomes it is the "holy grail" of a clean bill of health that it is important.  There is no point in thinking about it when it is too later, rather it is better to create a positive framework in which the treatment can get full sight of the illness and target it.  This means attempting to calm irrational fears and mental triggers such as that described about the Marsden foyer

In some ways this is easier said than done, but then there are events.

Events are always fast moving and today's clinic pre-chemotherapy was no exception.

Last week I was advised that my platelet count was falling and would be monitored.  Platelets are responsible for clotting the blood and insufficient levels can lead to bleeding problems.  Today I was told that they had fallen below acceptable levels (42 actual vs 100 advised), so I will be finishing today and tomorrow's chemotherapy tablets but will then wait a week before being reviewed.  It is anticipated that the chemotherapy, both intravenous and tablet, will begin again next Tuesday.

The most significant issue is assuring the continuance of the radiotherapy and the doctors are happy to delay the intravenous chemotherapy so long as it is administered during the radiotherapy course i.e. the next three weeks.  However, it is important that I restart the tablets as soon as possible as they work well with the radiotherapy.

My haemoglobin levels have fallen further to 10.4 from 11, which means that I am considerably anaemic though nothing like my initial levels. Still, I am well below the level of 12 required for best results of the radiotherapy.

The combination of these factors i.e. eating difficulties, platelets and haemoglobin explain why I have being feeling listless, so I can just focus on Thursday's transfusion which should make be feel much better.  I might need a good book as I am up for six hours of it.   All in all the changes from the expected are keeping me on a steady pathway (hence the title).

I will be digging deep from here.  There is only three weeks of treatment left, plus the run-off from the radiotherapy and chemotherapy so I am determined to make it work no matter how uncomfortable.  It is as clear as daylight now that this effort includes large doses of rest.

Thank goodness for the home entertainment facilities, he says whilst nudging up the volume on the surround sound system!  What a great investment they were, eh Kitten?

All this probably sound like I have spent most of my day on my back but I've manage three hours at the hospital, three working and a couple taking Huffty to football (though the latter really is sitting on my backside and chatting). Perhaps too busy for a quiet day right now.