I am aware that there has been a lot of detail and a lot of statistics from me over the recent period and perhaps less concise imagery of how I am feeling.
It is clear that the last period has taken me down somewhat, but down from what was a position of comfort. It has been a rapidly changing and moving feast and what I have been trying to do is to "dig faster" than it can move.
Firstly, although there has been a deterioration I would not say that I look ill. Certainly anyone who didn't know me would not be able to assume that I had a well advanced cancer. The only sign would be a very tightly cropped haircut, but even that has had good colour during the latest phases of treatment and so just looks like a very tightly cropped haircut! I do look pale but not unnervingly so. I certainly do not look like Uncle Fester of the Adams family.
When I started the radiotherapy I was 11st 9lbs, that's about 74kg over the last couple of weeks I have lost about 7lbs (about 3kg) so I am now 11st 2lbs and 71kg. This is at the bottom end of what I consider a healthy spectrum for me and it should be recognised that a lot of the weight I have lost is "good weight" i.e musculature from shoulders, arms, back and legs rather from where I would like i.e. the waistline. That said, I do not look thin.
The important thing from here, weight wise, is that I get a grip of the downward trend and stick a bottom on it. This is more difficult that it might seem as it would be easy to say "just eat more" but it is getting increasingly difficult to get the calories in. This issue is worthy of a separate blog.
The biggest concern at the moment is energy levels, but these are likely to be at least partially addressed with tomorrow's blood transfusion. The treatment also demands that I rest more now.
Just as important is what goes on in my head. When there is a sudden deterioration it is not always obvious to the outside world but the fact that I have lost weight, have difficultly eating have problems with my ability to carry oxygen (haemoglobin), potentially have problems clotting my blood, have been suffering bouts of pain is a heady cocktail to get a grip of. All of these have manifesting and obvious symptoms except the blood clotting issue. So it becomes more important to deliver on a personal level and make the necessary adjustments to keep the spirits high.
I guess that further near-term blogs will be about what I am doing to keep on top of things. Of course I am not alone in this process and actions such as deferring my chemotherapy are actions by the hospital that are recognition of the burden that my body is having to carry at the moment. When I failed to get into theatre in July I told the hospital that I still wanted to follow a curative path, if possible, and that they should feel free to "smash me" if it was necessary. Well, it seems that they have taken this on board!
Things may be tougher than they were but it is not as if I am in hospital bed-ridden. After an early start, I have finished work for the morning and will be checking in for the afternoon. In the meantime I shall be enjoying a bit of fresh air with Kitten.
No comments:
Post a Comment