At very close to six months since official diagnosis and a further two or three months since I started to feel ill this period of my life can now be considered a journey in its own right.
It is important to realise that I accept the illness as part of my life rather than being some malicious external force that I am battling against. This perspective allows me to continue to enjoy life on a day by day basis rather than constantly wishing it away focusing on a day when I am better.
It is difficult to find a decent analogy to explain the journey but a good one may be as if I have found myself in a pot hole.
I am alone in the pot hole but I have communication with family, friends and underground experts. There is much advice, help and encouragement but nobody knows whether the pot hole actually leads back to the surface because this is the first time that it has been travelled. Furthermore, there are junctions at which the journey presents options in direction and nobody knows which direction is the best.
For all of the collective experience this is a unique journey and, once accepted that is where I am, it is a beautiful journey of self discovery every bit as much as walking in the Andes or sailing on the Amazon. There are times when I am on my belly inching forwards on my belly taking in mouthfuls of water but, equally, there are times when I arrive in huge multi-coloured caves of light and wonder, which have not been seen before. The key to my journey is that there has to be an acceptance that it may end in a dead end.
This is no different to life itself where there are no guarantees for everyone. I was chatting with Sam the Eagle over a drink a few nights ago and he said that when I am crossing a road he feels protective towards me, wanting to make sure that I don't get run over and ruin my chances of recovery. I mention this because it brings into focus that there is risk and danger for us all every day.
Sam the Eagle's mind set is a little different to Notoplip who says that he is going to wait for me on the day that I get the all clear. He is going to sit in a high powered car outside the hospital and just as I come out in jubilant fashion he is going to drive the car as fast as he can and flatten me!
I appreciate both points of view for what they are and it is up to me to enjoy the journey on the way.
Sam, I'll show you a picture of Notoplip so you can shoot him whilst he revs his engine. Don't kill him because I want to be able to share the joke with him whilst he is in hospital with all tubes sticking out of him. I will lean over and gently whisper in his ear, "don't worry mate. Everything will be OK"
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