Positivity, Pragmatism and Illness

The personal messages I receive regarding my approach range from "You are so positive" to "Don't listen to dark thoughts" to "Try and be positive".

That seems to suggest that there is a scope of what people think that my approach and frame of mind is.

In the past I have described my approach as positive but pragmatic and I believe that is the best way that I can phrase it but, perhaps, it deserves a little more explanation.

Firstly, I have had a bad weekend just gone.  I have spent virtually all of it confined to my bedroom being ill whenever I try and get up.  In turn I have eaten very little  and so am feeling a little weak.  Given the symptoms and feelings I have had it seems likely that the problems that I have been experiencing have been caused by the cancer in the liver. Having had a busy day on Friday clearly won't have helped but I felt good throughout and it is good to live a little too.

I have now got my self onto extra anti-sickness drugs that I was prescribed last week and we will see how I go on them.  The main objective from here is to try and get myself into chemotherapy on the new trial drug tomorrow.  In order to do that I have to start eating and stop being sick.  Because I feel so weak at the moment that will take a little willpower and some help from Kitten too.  I should say though that with a couple of milkshakes and bowls of soup in me I think that I will be fine.

I've just had something to eat and have taken my anti-sickness drugs.  Also doing little things like the blog shift me up a gear from just being in bed.  It is all positive and in the right direction.

It is good to have a positive attitude but not a blind one.  If I danced my way through weekends like I have just had without thinking about what was going on then I would be in no position to talk to the people who are in a good position to give me guidance.  In other words what I am saying is that blind optimism in the light of hard negative evidence borders on the imbecilic.  That said, I am working hard to get into chemotherapy because I have feeling that the drug will be advantageous to me and that has to be a positive thing all round.

I will not know whether I receive the drug or not and the doctors will not know either.  The way that it works in a double blind study is that only one person in pharmacy knows what I am getting and the drug company that supplies the drug will know and analyse the results accordingly.  However, I am convincing myself that that the drug will be good for me and that I will definitely be getting it.  That way I am taking a positive frame of mind even if it is to a placebo.

Being positive but pragmatic means that you keep working through the negative.  To me it is no different to working through project at work that looks doomed to failure.  You keep on talking to the stake holders, keeping everybody informed and continually look for making things a success whilst also having a realistic appraisal of the situation.