A number of months ago I found myself in a dimly lit room with a dark, hooded and unwanted figure sitting at a table. He beckoned me to sit with him and since then we have been playing cards with the cards of his choice and with him dealing.
I have always subscribed to the adage that in life you can only play with the cards that you have in your hand at any given moment. There is no point in hoping for you situation to be different or better because it won't help to extract you from or capitalise on your position.
This week I have been struggling to sit at the table and continue the game, so the dealer has decided that it is time to up the ante.
Today, he stretched out his scraggy little hand from his cloak and delivered the news that my father has been in hospital since Thursday having suffered a stroke or series of mini-strokes. He suffered a number of mini-strokes a few years ago but has been stable since then, but I have remarked to my mother on the last few times that we have met that he is looking poorly, so there is no great surprise. Nevertheless it is not the sort of event that anyone wants to happen and I feel especially for my mother who now has a poorly son and a poorly husband.
He is in a good place and the physiotherapists are optimistic, so we will have to be patient and see what miracles that they can work.
My concern is foremost for my parents, my sister and other close family, but it is difficult to find myself in a position where I am in no condition to help. My own condition has coloured the deliberate delay in me receiving the news, which I know was intended to be with my interests at heart.
Through all this it feels like the dealer is playing a rigged game and has me firmly strapped to the table.
Right now there is a part of me that wants to get off my chair, deck him kick the doors down and stride out of the room but the truth is that there is nothing there to grasp at other than my own discomfort and imagination.
Sometimes life can be harsh and we just have to live with it.
Hi Swordfish, Have finally managed to eradicate the IT glitches. It took a man from BT rather than the usual tinkering on my part which I clearly have only limited skills for. Should have admitted it earlier but us old wizards are stubborn bastards who think we know it all. Suitably humbled I am now back in the 21st century communication wise although I suspect my brain lies somewhere in the 12thC. Have heard you have been hunkering down and building some stamina and hope that has gone well. Let me know when you are out of the cave and I'll give you a call. My last IT challenge is to repair my Skype link as the Welsh Elf in the Land of Oz has been grumbling about my lack of contact with the antipodean offspring. So hopefully can Skype again soon. Don't worry about your Dad, progress is good and there are enough of us in the Celtic clan to take the weight off your mother. Haven't been able to visit yet as have a heavy chest cold which I am sure everyone could do without. Will be there as soon as non-contagious. Look forward to catching up by phone or Skype.
ReplyDeleteTake care and give that hooded bastard two fingers from me as well.
Gandalf
Couldn't agree more with the last sentiment... two finger, give him four...
ReplyDeleteSwordfish, try this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Zen-Art-Motorcycle-Maintenance-Inquiry/dp/0099786400/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291585220&sr=1-4
R.
R,
ReplyDeleteI would have written Zen and the Art of Cancer Maintenance if I had navigated this with aplomb, but it is I have run out of places to strategically place coke can ring pulls :-)
Gandalf,
ReplyDeletepleased to hear that you are finally sorted.
Being a Welsh Wizard who thinks he knows it all - I am not sure that I can relate to that :-)
Look forward to hearing from you.
I've read Zen & the art of Motorcycle Maintenance & it's not the easiest of books to read, but the other 1/2 of the Enochian team has fixed a video recorder with a Guinness can ring pull....
ReplyDeleteT.C.