Today's news was as bad as it could possibly be.
The cancer has become metastatic (i.e. I now have secondary cancer). So far, it is the liver to which it has attached itself. This was always a danger whilst receiving the radiotherapy and chemotherapy treatment.
In the region of oesophagus the tumour depth has increased substantially and outside the oesophagus the nodal growths have got bigger and there are also new growths.
Oesophageal cancer is a particularly pernicious cancer and there is no hope of reversal from here, so I have to focus on getting the best out of the time that I have left with my family and friends.
I will be continuing to write the blog as it is cathartic for me and I feel that it has some residual value not least for my children, as it will offer them them an insight into my nature and character. I can't see my sense of humour diminishing though there are bound to be tough times ahead. I look forward to putting a spin on some unusual topics.
From here on in the focus is on quality of life and the first physical thing to address is the possibility of getting a stent into my oesophagus to allow me to eat better. Getting more energy in will help me improve my day to day enjoyment of life.
I asked them to give me some idea of life expectancy and they didn't want to commit because
- They did not want to "quash optimism"
- I am in general "good nick"
It goes without saying that I will do my very best to keep myself going for as long as I can derive enjoyment from life. After all, it is the most precious commodity.
I've been checking through the day for your news, Swordfish.
ReplyDeleteI continue to be inpired each day by the increditable fortitude you are showing in such devastating circumstances.
Swordfish, we have never physically met, yet I feel I know you like a brother, for it takes a certain kind of man to share himself so openly, so honestly, while maintaining that inner dignity and integrity, which has always shone through, above all, in all your writings.
ReplyDeleteIt's no time for shallow cliches, or hollow words, so will just communicate that I am firmly of the belief for as long as there is life, there is hope, no matter how steep the hill ahead, no matter how treacherous the pathway, no matter how punishing or merciless the headwind.
I know I speak for an entire community when I say there are only positive thoughts and wishes emnating from us all, winging their way to you every hour of every day, and hope you can draw upon the warmth and strength of that willing resource, as and when needed, as you face into this battle. We are all behind you, every step of the way. There is strength in numbers, and so there is a wealth of positive energy surrounding you right now, and I hope you can sense it, at some level. The human spirit naturally gravitates to the nurture of all that is good, and so I could not do other than post to this blog, in recognition of that. You are nothing if not a fighter - so hang in there and let them know who they got into the ring with, you may have lost this round, but we expect you to come out swinging. He's big, he's ugly, and we know he fights mean, but we all want to see him beat, and are all in your corner, for absolutely anything.
Your friend,
Jayo.
Swordfish ... I have no words really, but your post cannot go without comment. You and kitten are in our thoughts, as you have been since the start of this journey. Your strength of character is amazing. Your blog is an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWerthers & Tall P x
I dont beleive in god but in situations like this i will try anything-i am preying for you
ReplyDeleteyorkshire boy
Swordfish,
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the most difficult and heartfelt moments I have ever come accross in my short life so far.
I never thought a fellow poster on a bb will touch and inspire me in so many ways by showing so much courage and stamina going through such a difficult and testing time.
If its any consolation, by sharing your journey, has inspired me and I am sure others to look at life from a completely new point of view
I wish you all the best with your family and I can say honestly say that there is one reason why I would never regret starting to read and post on bulletin boards.
Coming accros you makes it all worh it.
I am shocked but your strength is amazing. Keep going
stm (from Barc bb)
Take strength from all the silent support. Anything we can do to help, just ask.
ReplyDeleteBagpuss, Prof Yaffle & the mice xx
Dear Swordfish and family,
ReplyDeleteToday must have been just awful for you all. But the strength you have demonstrated over the last few months is truly inspiring.
May that strength continue for a long, long time.
Rigel
Hello mate, well as you know I work best when you do the thinking and I do the typing. So I'm struggling for words as ever but just had to acknowledge your post and offer what support I can. My thoughts are with you and family.
ReplyDeleteSpeak soon.
STE
Old boy, We read your blogs everyday many are entertaining some are dark and some just about life. I can tell sometimes you forget why you are writing them. But today's message puts in the perspective what we all dread and exposes your real strength and the future in hand. I struggle to write this - God I/we are with you.
ReplyDeleteWe were so confident earlier in the year when you and the family came to visit you looked well etc and we knew first hand-you are an inspirational and strong man, a brilliant father to two great people and dedicated Husband to Kitten and we thought because of the way you are, the people that were treating you things would work out.
We are so desperately sad to hear the news today it is heart breaking for us all.
Please stay strong -we are with you all the way!
D & Family
you are more than an inspiration to me lil man and always have been but im just not ready to remove the plug from the plug hole just yet i have so much more important things to learn from you like ho to survive a full summer season of ibiza not just a week thinking of you always coat red xxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your heartfelt and inspirational messages.
ReplyDeleteI have extracted the love from them and stuck it in my back pocket.
From here on in it will always be travelling with me.