A Changing Landscape

I have had many well wishes and much kind advice asking me not to give up hope.

I am not the sort of person to do that, but I am rationale in my approach and it is important to understand the gravity of my situation.

The main site of the cancer is my oesophagus, which is the food pipe to the stomach.  The fact that I cannot eat properly causes complications of its own but, hopefully, there will be some relief with the addition of a stent to open the pipe up.

Aside from that there is no real way back from what is an aggressive type of cancer that has also gone secondary.  That is also not the end of it.  I have large nodes (some an inch plus) of infection local to the oesophagus (but outside it) that are sitting directly between my lungs and are also close to my heart.

It also the rate at which the cancer has increased in the face of radical treatment that is of concern.  It seems to be on a mission.

The good thing from all this is that I can relax in the knowledge that the last few months have been a struggle for good reason.  My body has been fighting on two fronts, fighting both the advancing cancer and the treatment.  I can now forget about the illness and not let it dominate my psyche.

I have flecks of my spiritual nature in the blog and that is an inate and self-propogating quality that I have.  It will help keep my strong emotionally and I hope that it will also have an impact in a physical sense.

At this point it is important to understand that what is important does not change but the priority does and the priority is now to ensure that I plan to get the best out of my life rather than focusing ALL of my resource on getting better.  When you focus all of your resources on getting better it is of short-term detriment to those around you and the balance must be redrawn.

Kitten and I will continue to discuss the best way forward and particularly how we manage the childrens' perception.

The children stayed with Notoplip and Sushi last night and enjoyed a sleepover, whilst still being ignorant of the situation.  It may be some time before we elect to tell the the harsh reality, but we also have to make sure that they do not find out inadvertantly from another source.

Our policy has been to be honest and upfront with our children all the way through, but there are some things with which one needs to be economical.  With Christmas now looming perhaps it would be better to get that over first and not let the situation spoil the party.