Getting a Grip

Kitten and I have been coming to terms with yesterday's news.

Now that I am not in a good enough position to continue with the protocol treatment we have to hope that being in the hands of one of the world's best oncology teams will pay dividends.

I posed the question on Friday as to whether the trial drug bevacizumab may have been responsible for the tumour's rebound as this is a view that seems to be gaining credence in the treatment of other cancers.  It is something to consider in greater detail when meeting the oncologist rather than the surgeon though.

The main thing now is to steady the ship.  We have gone from having the security of an operation date and a clear channel ahead to not knowing how the cancer will treated and whether this is any likelihood of a complete cure.

I've always found that a clear head is best in difficult situations and the blog helps in that respect.  Naturally, I have been talking with people who are close to me since yesterday but the blog is carthatic in helping me to consolidate what I am thinking and feelling.

Potentially disastrous events can often turn out to be more trivial or to be of benefit once the dust settles.  We will have a better picture on Monday, but there will still be uncertainty.  Even if we go the additonal chemotherapy route we will not know whether it has worked until it finishes and we see whether the tumour rebounds again.

I'm not flapping but it is difficult to avoid the same emotions surfacing as when I was first diagnosed, in relation to my children.

It is unlikely that anyone cruises through cancer, as it is a journey which is always destined to leave an indelible footprint. I don't mind a difficult ride, just so long as I get the right result.

A busy day tomorrow with the Race for Life event, England v Germany and Argentina v Mexico will make the time pass quickly before our meeting (not that I expect Kitten to enjoy the last two events!)