This is not for the squeamish. So, don't read if you are!
Because my tumour is long and thin rather than short and stubby I have avoided the more day to day gruesome aspects of this cancer. Those with short and stubby tumours often find it difficult to consume even liquids before operation and sometimes need a "stent" inserted into the oesophagus in order to keep the passage open.
Before I started chemotherapy I was having to take mouthfuls of liquid with most mouthfuls of food but, crucially, I was still able to eat anything, more or less.
After the start of chemo I was able to eat, pretty much unaided. It is obviously frightening to think that rather than your food getting stuck and swilled down with a few glugs of water that it might just get stuck.
Since chemotherapy has finished, I have noticed that eating is getting more difficult again and, on Saturday, I made the mistake of wolfing down a couple of sausages without concentrating on what I was doing. The result as that some sausage got stuck in my throat.
I got a glass of water to swill it down, but nothing shifted. I thought that water had come back out of my mouth but dismissed it and took another big glug of water and it came flying out of my nose.
I'm not one to panic and I thought it quite funny, but started to think that I might not be able to clear my pipe. The passage was blocked and had simply filled up like a glass when I had taken a drink.
I managed to clear it after a while but it is moments like this that make you realise that you are, at some level, "alone" in this journey. No matter how much support you receive this journey is ultimately a physical one of your own and it is clear that surgery and successful oncology is the only road to rehabilitation.
Hopefully, I will get to surgery without any major problems but I have been lucky in this respect. In some ways it is frightening to think that your body has failed to the point that it is unable to do the very basic thing of consuming food but at least I have not been hit harder (touch wood) in this respect.
Clearly I had a moment between me, the sausage, a glass of water and the kitchen sink but I took the lesson and stuck it in my back pocket. It was a timely reminder that after surgery I will have to sit down when I eat, chew thoroughly and adopt good posture.
F*** I am becoming a right boring old fart :-)
Hi
ReplyDeleteHope you have a fantastic holiday, it is just what you need to build yourself up for the op. It will do the rest of the family too, it helps to make things normal for a while again.
We had a holiday in the Cotswold at the end of the 3rd course of treatment and before the op. It done us both the world of good to be out in the fresh air all the time.
"Mr" goes from strength to strength, he has come up to London today for a lunch with colleagues. He is eating anything and everything. The surgeon did say he would not be able to have a big meal again (i.e. 3 courses)and would have to graze when he eats but I don't think his stomach registered that. It is like nothing is different.
Hopefully the same will happen to you and will have years to look forward to have long leisurely lunches and dinners with all your family and friends.
Again have a fantastic time and say Hi to Kitten
xx
Thanks Ann. It is good weather over here, brilliant sunshine though not extraordinarily hot.
ReplyDeleteWe are off to the beach today and the kids have wet suits, so should be in the water.
The setting is idyllic for a relaxing break and it relaxes me further to know that "Mr" continues to make good progress.
If I can eat well again after the op then that would be a huge bonus, as I love my food.
I've relaxed on the drinking front whilst on holiday and have been having a couple of "buds" with my evening meal. Nice.......
I am still in good fettle, but it is always an extra lift to know that "Mr" is doing so well. He is a "torchbearer" for me and your comments are timely.