Simple Example of the Effect of Chemotherapy

Before explaining what I am doing blogging at 6:30am on a Sunday morning I thought that I would relate an experience that defines how disorienting the first few days of chemotherapy can be.

Because of the hot weather Kitten has stocked up on some ices for the kids.

In the heat of yesterday she offered me a Magnum lolly and my first thought was "mmmmmm...cold", my second was accompanied by a shift of the head to side, a squirming of the face and the taste of synthetic chemotherapy and a picture of the intravenous drip bag from whence it came.

Kitten perserved.  "What about a Fruit Pastilles lolly".  Now we are talking, I thought.  I could see it in my mind's eye, suspended in mid-air with its layers of different colour and the sight of frosty ice defying the heat. 

I could taste the green and the purple and the orange and then, like a battering ram, the synthetic taste of chemo.  The two perspectives slogged it out with one another for a few seconds and the chemo battering ram smashed the illusion.

Unless the kids get there first then the lolly still has my name on it and, in another moment, the lolly would have won but it gives a feeling of what the first few days of a cycle can be like.  The example of something that is so desirable in the situation being overrun by the effect of the chemotherapy gives a window into what can happen to simple feelings and choices and how difficult it can be to have any direction.

So, what on earth am I doing blogging at 6:30am on Sunday morning?

Well hopefully I will be going back to bed to sleep in a moment but I have been awake since 4:00am and got fed up of laying in bed wide awake.

I know that for many people waking in the night is a regular occurrence, but I am generally a good and heavy sleeper.

Part of the problem is intravenous steriod injection and subsequent oral intake (for the first few days).  The effect seems to kick in a few days later.