Shifting Sands

This session of chemotherapy has been interesting on a number of levels.

I have been working solidly throughout it and haven't really had a chance to rest much.  That is about to change as it is time to ease back.

I have been a little more worried over the last week or so because the last three cycles of chemotherapy saw an immediate improvement in my ability to eat.  On this cycle eating has, if anything, become more difficult.  Of course, I am not on the trial drug any more so that could be a significator.

With the next cycle starting on Wednesday in conjunction with radiotherapy I need some positive action.  The ability to eat in comfort is not the only gauge of what is going on but it is a ready made indicator, one that I can observe and feel.

In other ways things have been going very well. The fact that I have been able to work hard and efficiently shows that my energy levels are OK.  Also the benefits of the chi-kung are starting to manifest.   Finding tangible benefits from this can take a while and it requires a certain amount of faith that they will come. 

When doing chi-kung this morning I noticed that was feeling in control. By that I mean that I felt relaxed and my mind felt quiet.  This is a contrast to what I have had to do to get to this state.  My normal state of mind is busy and it is difficult to quieten it and that is why I have been doing meditative "drills".  It now seems that there is a certain amount of payback and the "monkey" is being brought to "heal".

I say that I need some positive action for my condition because the radiotherapy is the last thing that can be thrown at it in a medical sense in order to get me to the operating table.  I have made many changes to my lifestyle but I still have the trump card of going onto permanent sickness from work as and when I need to.  I hope that I don't have to do that until operation time as the work gives the mind a focus in its own right.  I do have music as another "energy building" activity and my present to Boogle of DJing lessons as part of her birthday present have encouraged me to dust of the decks.

My DJ decks have remained in situ even though they haven't been used in earnest for a couple of years and there is something both therapeutic and energy building about working at mixing your favourite tunes.  It will provide me with a trip down memory lane and an engagement with the soul in a different form.  My day job is creative but it is logic based.  Working with music is emotionally based and provides a useful counterbalance.

Every man needs a hobby!