Peace and Quiet

First off, a happy birthday to my god-daughter who I have renamed as the milky bar kid due to her latest pregnancy fetish.  Less than a month to go for her now!

Today, is as far removed a day from yesterday as possible.

After having a snooze yesterday evening I felt like a different man.  It felt as if a lot of different roads had led me to yesterday.  The start of the combined treatment of chemotherapy and radiotherapy is the big hope and so, in retrospect,  it was a big day.

In my thoughts, at the time, it was just another day but the cocktail of events proved it to a real roller coaster.  A better metaphor would be a bungee jump; up and down, sideways and spinning.

The beauty of being treated at a hospital like the Marsden is their willingness to react to a changing picture on the spot.

I was in a hallway when I bumped into my specialist nurse to ask when the the blood transfusion was still required and what time it would be.  She said that because I was borderline (after the latest result showed the blood count had risen the cusp) I should really have one "but you don't want one do you".  I told her that I was willing to have one but would prefer to do it when and if I fell below the requirement.  She rang and cancelled the blood order and then rang the doctor to get approval for my chemotherapy to go ahead after the drastic reversal in my blood counts.

The point is that all this took place in a corridor. Everyone is at the Marsden for the same reason, so there is no reason to feel uncomfortable about scenarios like this.  You know that everyone is doing their best for you and listening to what you feel about things and acting immediately.

In reality I probably should have taken the blood transfusion to make sure that I get the best out of the radiotherapy, but my bloods will be done again next week and I will be in better physical shape to take it on board.

I haven't got anything against taking others blood and will be grateful for it.  Psychologically though I feel that I do not want to let go of that control.  I want to get my blood better.  I will not shirk though if things dip again.

On this note I should mention that there has been more than one family offer of blood since I made my original point.  That is very generous and I am grateful.  Pyschologically, it would be a much better option that taking a strangers blood, but the blood is carefully screened to today and there is a big pool to ensure that the match is as I need it at that time.

There is a general point here about the blog and peoples' reaction to it.  On one level the blog is meant to act as a quick source of information when I have key appointments.  On another level it is meant to be cathartic for me and is meant to be an honest and open account of what it is like to journey through this experience. 

Days like yesterday though can be unnecessarily disturbing for those around me and my aim isn't to upset anyone.  It is a difficult subject though and I try to write and deliver a message which is reflective of what I know or feel to be happening. The drama in the day was real and not a matter of conjecture or supposition and it shows how violently things can swing around.

Here I am a day later and I am feeling fine.  I am a little bit queasy with yesterday's chemotherapy but there is no sickness and no bad back either (though I will still be paying a precautionary visit to the mad Canadian on his return).  So if you take yesterday and the day before from today's perspective then yes it was up and down but ultimately it has gone to plan.  I've started my radiotherapy and had my chemotherapy and everything is on track.

It's not quite "happy dayz", but it is in the modus operandus - Go Forward!