Demons Confronted

I have used the analogy for chemotherapy of the beast climbing a mountain and taking a drink at the lake - in the analogy the beast is me the drink is taken from the lake at the foot of the mountain.  The mountain pictured is Cadair Idris in Wales.  Each of the three previous chemotherapy cycles was imagined as a journey up a separate leg of a mountain range.  I make no apologies for using the picture for 4th time on the blog because it works for me on many different levels.

One of the myths of Cadair Idris is that if you sleep at the summit you wake up as either a madman or a poet.  It is about meeting with your demons and that is what the last week and a half has felt like.

If you look at this period I have gone from the expectation of surgery on 14th July to being back into chemotherapy and into radiotherapy with the possibility of curative surgery.  The overall shift is not so severe and may be helpful in ensuring cure.  Where the "demon" aspect comes in is that there has been a moving picture with the outlook veering between the potential of no possible cure to likely cure.  This has emanated from the Marsden but I am a great believer that your external reality is a realisation of your internal state.

There has been a shift and a short but tough emotional journey in this period, a bit like sleeping on the top of Cadair Idris and battling against a howling wind in pitch black to keep a tent in place.

I am through and those who are close to me and have also felt it are through and the sun is peering through after the darkest hour.

It is said that it is the darkest hour before dawn.  In Egyptian mythology it is the scarab (dung) beetle that pushes the dung ball (sun) through night into daylight ensuring its safe passage - I can assure you that I feel I have moved my fair share of sh*t over this period.  It goes with the terrain but it is character building!