In Praise of Risk

When my operation date was cancelled at the beginnning of July there was a week of decision making to determine whether I was still viewed as "curable" or whether it was simply palliative care from there on in.

Thankfully the doctors decided to go down the curable route and the object of the combined chemotherapy and radiotherapy is to stop the disease in its tracks and achieve a reduction in its size and amount of nodal infection outside the oesophageal wall.  If that can be achieved then I am heading for surgery and potential cure.

If the treatment does not provide adequate shrinkage or the cancer rebounds and starts to grow again then it is palliative care from thereon in.

I am reminded about the conversation I had when signing the consent form for the latest bout of treatment.  It is something that I have mentioned before but it is worth another mention in the context of me not having any vices at the moment.  I may not have vices but at least I am immersed in risk.

The registrar took me through the potential side effects.  He had a form in front of him and ticked each element as he spoke of it.  "The treatment could damage your heart, your lungs, your pancreas, your liver, your kidneys".  At which point I interrupted him to say "So that's all my internal organs except for my brain then".  He looked at me in a matter of fact sort of way and simply said "Yes, it's because of where the tumour is".

The fact is that cancer treatment is largely a passive experience for the patient.  All  the patient can do is what is asked of them and to try and keep the mental and physical framework as well positioned as possible for the treatment to have the best arena to work in.

I only have three more radiotherapy sessions left and then that is the end of my treatment before being assessed in December.

Between Wednesday's final session and reassessment I will be extending my acquaintance with Faith, Hope and Charity. Self-belief is the weapon of choice going forward a weapon which is questioned whilst in the throws of treatment.