Temperance - I Kept my Cool (Just)

The postponment of Friday's endoscopy left me feeling furious.

I'm not he first person to suffer from a delayed appointment but the endoscopy has drifted away from the rest of the tests.  The revised date of 30th March represented a serious delay in fitting the jigsaw together. Remember that the last procedure was performed on 2nd March.

My anger, which I could only attempt to control rather than dissipate, was borne of worry that the condition could spread because of a delay to the start of chemotherapy.  I did my best to keep myself in check last night but, initially, found it hard to get to sleep.  I think that this is the first time that I have wrestled to keep myself in check since being diagnosed.  There have been moments where I have lost it over something unrelated, but the rest of the time it hasn't been too difficult. 

Even though I want to just take control of the situation I decided to stay calm and wait for my case nurse to get the message that I left with her colleague yesterday evening.

By 9:30am there still wasn't a call, so I picked up the phone.  No message had been passed, so that explained why I hadn't been contacted.  Neither had my case nurse been appraised of the postponement.  She promised to contact the doctors immediately to see if an alternative appointment could be made.  She also suggested that I keep my appointment with the Oncology team (next Monday) to voice my concerns.

As soon as I put the phone down there was a call from one of the registrars who had been working behind the scenes to reorganise the appointment with the same doctor but at a different hospital.  So, I am back on track, considerably calmer and pleased that I chose to keep calm (at least outwardly) and not let emotion get the better of me (some of you will know that was very restrained of me).

So, I am in hospital tomorrow morning to fit the last piece of the picture together before chemotherapy begins - an endoscopic ultrasound to determine the tumor's size and depth.

I can't say that I am looking forward to chemotherapy in a physical sense, but mentally and emotionally it's time to "Bring it On".