Riding the Beast

My assumption that the second tranche of chemo would feel as if it had "layered" itself upon the first seems to be correct.

I say that without any degree of certainty but in the knowledge that things seem to be amplified.

Touches of tinnitus in the first cycle have manifested as being constant since early in this cycle (Friday). Difficulties with certain smells being overpowering have ramped up a few notches further.  I opened the living room door and was hit by the smell of cleaning fluids from the bathroom in a way that even someone of the palate of Egon Ronay may not have experienced.  Either that or it is a realisation of my own palate subdued for many years.

More than any one particular event the difference between this and the first cycle seems to be that the first cycle was like a big wave that washed over me but I stood firm and it passed.  I let it go instinctively, but I immediately started preparing for the next wave because I knew that the only way to meet the next would be to travel with it.

Things still feel ok.  Sure, the hair is looking flakey but I'm still looking and feeling robust.   I haven't shaken off the chemical taste of the chemotherapy like I had at this point last time, but I am living with it well.  My appetite is back and I eating well (even though it requires an effort) but the constant sense of chemicals does not promote the attractiveness of any particular food.  I say "sense of chemicals" because it is not just the taste, there is a feeling throughout and particularly in the stomach.  Swamped but swimming.

There are many other different facets to the experience, but what I have described probably gives an insight.  None of it is particularly unbearable, but it is disorientating because it isn't part of my previous realm of experience.

I'll continue to flow with it but will be a little cautious about frittering away energy and I will continue to be very grateful that I have, so far, avoided any of the nastiness that is often associated with the treatment.

I imagine it will get tougher during the next cycle and some aspects of this phase may not be a joyride, but the healing process swirls on.

"The beast has taken a drink and is going up the mountain track".