Close Encounters of the Squirrel Kind

Yesterday, I started the most gentle kind of exercise with a lunch time walk with my mother in Richmond Park.  It was a chance to catch up as we have been bridging the gap between London and South Wales via Skype.

It was a beautiful day in London and I believe through most, if not all, of the country.

For those who know Richmond Park, we drove to the Pen Ponds cark park and walked between Pen Ponds up the hill towards Richmond Gate. The photos below show the view when walking back from Richmond towards Pen Ponds and, of course no visit to Richmond Park would be complete without some deer.  I hasten to add for the photo buffs that these pictures were taken with a mobile phone!

When we got back from the park I decided to do some Chi Kung in the garden, which I found very relaxing.  Very relaxing until a squirrel decided to get in on the act.

The Chi Kung I am doing is very simple.  It is called Zhan Zhuang and just involves standing still (like a tree).  The whole time I was doing it there was a little hoverfly hovering right next to me.  He was an expert hoverer,  but had clearly benefited from a lot of practice (either that or he/she was a natural).  I, on the other hand, looked like a man standing still in his garden.  If the neighbours had been watching then perhaps they will be taking extra care to put the lock chains on their doors at night and their neighbourhood watch stickers in their windows.

Anyway, there I was standing in the garden, listening to the sounds of mother nature when a rather large squirrel hopped over the fence into the garden.  He was about twenty feet in front of me, but as I was completely still I pretty much guessed what was going to happen next.

I knew that he was going to want to take a closer look at me and, sure enough, he scurried up the fence between my neighbour's garden and mine and ran along it until he was adjacent but slightly in front of me.

So, I had the hoverfly hovering on my left side and the large grey squirrel staring at me from my right (only about 5-6 feet away).

I'm a stubborn old git so I didn't want to finish what I was doing, but deep down I knew that if I didn't show some movement that the squirrel was going to jump off the fence and run straight up me.

Earlier that afternoon I had spoken to Sushi and Notoplip who were just coming off the beach in Bournemouth.  When walking along the promenade a seagull had left a sizeable deposit on Sushi's head which Notoplip had busied himself cleansing with Wet Wipes.  Sushi asked me whether it was meant to be lucky but I didn't give her any confirmation.  Personally, I find it difficult to see where the luck is in having a bird come along and do a big shit on your head.

Having been left with Sushi's image I couldn't help but wonder what this squirrel might be capable of doing to me, so my imagination had a conversation with the squirrel that went something like this.

Mr Squirrel :  "Hmmmm, don't think I've seen a tree like that before, no acorns.  Any nuts?"

Me:               "I'm a man standing still, Mr Squirrel not a ******* tree

Mr Squirrel:   "I still want to run up you and shit on your head"

Me:               "OK, I'm going to turn very slowly, so that you can see that I am alive"

Mr Squirrel:   "Look at my face. Bothered?"

So I turned slowly towards Mr. Squirrel.  He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then hopped and skipped into our neighbours garden.

He was rather a large squirrel, presumably with a lot of disease and not low immune system friendly.  He still looked very fluffy and cuddly and part of me was pleased that he had been willing to get so close to me. 

I couldn't help but feel that David Carradine would have dealt with it slightly differently in the Kung Fu box set.  Perhaps along the lines of

"When you are at one with the squirrel, you will be at one with the trees and know how to store your energy for the darker days". 

This was infinitely wiser than my take which was

"Don't get too close Mr squirrel, because I am worried that you might shit on my head or pass on one of your nasty diseases".

It seems that there is a gulf between a Shaolin priest's mindset and mine.

I will keep practising.